this one’s for chase …

Chase
who’s diagnosis of ADHD is completely misunderstood

who struggles daily with society’s "norms"

who feels inadequate and inferior most of the day. Not because anyone "says" anything to him, but because they don’t have to — the "proof" is at every turn.

who probably should have given up a long time ago, and yet continues to try

who just wants to be invited to a birthday party or picked for a team or asked to "play" at a friend’s house

who is not able to learn from consequences like other kids his age and deals with impatience and frustration from his parents on a regular basis

It’s been an emotional week. I’ll leave it at that.
My husband and sister and friends have listened and given me counsel — have encouraged me and strengthened me. They have helped me remember …
Chase_1

that this is Chase …
who doesn’t need a diagnosis to be understood and doesn’t need to be understood to be loved.

who is bright and funny and remarkable in countless ways

who sincerely cares for people and their feelings

who is loved by the "old and wise" and the "young and innocent" and
has a bigger heart and more love than anyone I know!!

Paula sent me this quote (by Steve Jobs — it’s one that I love and needed to read again)

"Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do."

Here’s the clip. I can’t remember who sent it to me, or why it has foreign sub titles, but I have decided, that this one’s for Chase, who I know has the ability and insight to change things. I pray I will have the strength and inspiration help him and the sense to get out of his way!

 
Download geniuses-1BUENO.wmv

Comments

  1. thank you for sharing…

  2. I am constantly grateful that these are not just our children but that our Father in Heaven loves them and knows them even more than we do and we can turn to Him for help when we don’t know what to do or just can’t muster the energy to do what we know we should. I don’t ‘know’ you but have admired you from afar for several years now – you can do this, trust in yourself and take it a day at a time – or an hour if necessary!!! Hugs to you, Chase and all of your wonderful family.xxxx

  3. What a beautiful tribute to Chase. Very moving and inspiring. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Stacy – you continue to inspire and amaze me. Chase is a lucky boy to have you for a mommy. BTW, here’s a slightly “cleaner” version of the video with no subtitles from YouTube … only because it’s a “keeper.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dvn_Ied9t4M

  5. as a mom of a recently diagnosed adhd child, just what I needed to read today. Your statement about them not understanding consequences really hit home. I love him so much but am full of frustration at the same time. Nice to know I am not alone!

  6. Catherine says:

    We have a Chase too. I can identify with so much of what you said. He gets such joy out of life, you can see it in his glowing face. But then has his times when he can feel more frustration than all of our other kids put together. You worry and pray and worry and pray that everything will turn out OK for them. There are the times when you wonder if he is going to be able to “get along” in life and then the times when you see those unique, special gifts that God has blessed him with and you know that everything is going to be alright.

  7. Tracy Rizzo says:

    That is a wonderful thing for a mom of an autistic son to see as well.
    Sometimes I feel only I get him and then I think ,thats o.k. ,thats why he’s mine.
    It took me along time to get over that diagnosis and realize he’s still the same wonderful,sweet,loving,special boy he always was and always will be.No matter what happens in the future he’ll always have me,and as a fellow round peg in a square world, I’ll always get him.

  8. As a mother facing similar problems and as a mother who just had an extremely trying weekend, I want to say thank you. Sometimes in life there are moments when the perfect thing presents itself at the perfect time – things that are “given” to us just when we most need them. This entry was one of those “perfect” things. I needed to hear someone elses words this morning. Through my tears, I’d like to say thank you for sharing it with me.
    – Cindy

  9. Cindy McDannold says:

    Thank you for the beautiful video and here is another one to ponder…
    http://www.whatisgratituderock.com/mgr_small.swf

  10. My “Chase” is named Sean. He’s 19 now and has had a steady girlfriend for 4 years whose parents compliment me every time we talk on what a wonderful son I have. Sean is in his second year of college and still struggles somewhat with his academics. He’s still a bit impulsive. But he’s generous to a fault, caring, compassionate–I could go on and on. It’s hard to believe there were days I felt like a prison warden, trying to get him through his homework, and many days I literally could not find a single good thing to say about my own son. Thank God for all the people who hold our hands through the rough days and help us to see that our children are wonderful just as they are.

  11. Your post today struck a chord in me. I actually am the mom of TWO boys with ADHD, and let me tell you, they couldn’t be more different! What one does, the other doesn’t. The early years were much harder than they are now. I hope that inspires you to get through another day. There is hope on the horizon! My advise to you; pray like you’ve never prayed before! Did you know that God blessed you with your son for a very specific reason? That’s hard to wrap your arms around, but it’s true. Who else would have more loving patience with Chase? Who else would overlook his faults regardless of how much they drive you cookoo? Who else is strong enough to fight the battle that so often needs to be fought for these kids? You. God reeled you in hook, line and sinker. You’re there for the duration. And that pleases God, and it pleases Chase too! I fought so many battles for my boys in the early years, and I’m happy to say it’s paid off. They are teriffic boys, doing well in school. They are polite and loving. They are learning how to take care of themselves more and more each day without being reminded (this is hardly a trait exclusive to ADHD kids, though). Do they still drive me crazy and push my buttons? Absolutely. Do they still have hardships that are caused by the ADHD? Absolutely. Does their ADHD still overwhelm me as a mom? Most definitely. But I continually remind the boys that they can and will rise above their problems associated with the ADHD, because they have to. I have never allowed them to use it as an excuse to coast. Push Chase to his full abilities. As far as disabilities goes, our boys are lucky. They can walk, they can talk, they can see, they are alive. We can rise above the corner ADHD shoves us into. Our sons can do more with ADHD than what society tells us our sons can do. You just have to be willing to forge the battle. And I’m sure you are.
    Good luck,
    Amy

  12. Wendy WVG says:

    We have a ‘Chase’ named Charlie that has not been diagnosed because I don’t want to go in and have him diagnosed. But some people, including our soon to be X daycare lady are quick to point out that Charlie may have ADHD. Yes, I guess as parents we refuse to see it. Stacy your words hit home so hard!!!!!! Everything you said is so true and exactly how we feel about Charlie! Good luck and you are in our prayers!!!!

  13. I to have a “chase” his name is Luke, he is 6. He has been diagnosed ADHD for 2 years and lately, we are having a really hard time with people perceiving luke. Its funny becuase he is soooo smart and loving but people take things the wrong way with him. Lately our biggest trial is that he LOVES to dance, and has been since sep. But there have been many accusations from other moms and i finally just took him out. Its hard becuase people dont see Luke for him they see him as a hyper out of control boy. When in reality he is a smart, wonderful loving boy.
    I wish we could make the world see our kids for who they really are but i have learned you cant. I will keep chase in our prayers that he can get through these trials.

  14. Stacy, what a wonderful mother you are who can see what her son’s potential is, even when the ‘world’ would have you see only his ‘disabilities’. He is so lucky to have you on his side. Hang in there!

  15. Rochelle McGee says:

    Thank you for that wonderful post!
    While I don’t have children with ADHD, I do have incredibly active and strong-willed children and this was a good reminder that the world needs people like my children so maybe, just maybe, I need to have a little more patience with them.
    Rochelle

  16. This one hit close to home. I too have a Chase named Nathan. Sounds a lot like your son. I feel I’m a better person because he’s my son and has ADHD. I only wish the rest of society would celebrate the wonderful traits the same way we do. Thanks for the great post….

  17. And you could have been talking about my Alex, who has Asperger’s Syndrome. He’ll be 13 in April.
    Our children teach us so much, don’t they??

  18. My son Adam is 20 and was diagnosed with ADHD when he was in first grade, although I knew when he was much younger that he was different from his brothers. He had many struggles and there was a constant adjustment of medication. We were told that our son had a severe case of ADHD. It wasn’t easy for him but Adam worked hard and graduated 13th in his class and is now in his 2nd year at Michigan State. Adam is extemely creative, loyal, caring and funny. We sometimes see ADHD as a gift, although it is hard to conform to a school setting it does not mean that ADHD is “bad”. I just wanted you to know that there is a bright future for Chase, I wish I had known how great my boy would turn out, it would have saved me many hours of worry.

  19. Debbie Koehler says:

    Stacy– thank you…

  20. God Bless You Chase…..

  21. Stacy, You hang in there. Being a parent is an amazing journey. A journey that comes with struggles, heartache,and frustration. Don’t forget that it is also filled with love and happiness. Enjoy your journey & don’t forget that YOUR Heavenly Father loves you & he loves Chase. Have a great day!
    Raimi

  22. Dear Stacy,
    As an adult with ADHD and having grown up undiagnosed (it wasn’t something that was well known back then), I thank you! You, like my parents, took the time to see beyond the struggle and and see the gifts that your child has to offer. It is hard and frustrating at times, but it will get better and you will have a stronger relationship for it.
    Hugs!

  23. Thank you for your post today. My son is ADHD and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) and he’s almost 12. He is in his first year of middle school and trying to hard to fit in. It’s been a tough 10 plus years for us. He was diagnosed when he was 5 but we struggled greatly with behavioral problems from the time he was two. To this day it seems like he never left the two year old behavior behind! My son is smart, witty, loving and has a marvelous sense of humor. Unfortunately those traits are not always at the forefront. It makes life tough on him and often I get wrapped up in how hard it is for me that I really need to take a moment to remember he is dealing with this daily and how hard it is for him. It’s comforting knowing others out there understand my child and what I go through as a parent. I will be saving the quote you posted and include it on one of his scrapbook pages. I so enjoy reading your blog and the appreciate the inspiration you provide me!

  24. I recommend a book to all of you that have a kid who struggles with school. It’s called “A Mind at a Time” by Dr. Mel Levine.
    There is an organization that now supports his developmental theories and tries to get them out to schools and families
    It’s called
    allkindsofminds.org
    Check it out! It has helped me understand my daughter and given me some practical tips to help her out.

  25. Here’s to your Chase and to my Chase – Jason and to everyone else’s Chase: May you all find your wings and never let society’s insensitivities and “norms” ground you.

  26. michelle cook says:

    Hi Stacey,
    I have a daughter not adhd but not advanced socially as her peers.It is hard because you just want to wave a magic wand and it all be better.You are right look out world because these kids can teach us a thing or two.
    We can never give up on them or ourselves.Praise god they are healthy and here to give us strength.
    best wishes to you and your family.
    michelle cook

  27. Thanks, from one mom to another. These guys so need us to be there for them no matter what, until the rest of the world figures out how amazing they truly are.

  28. Oh Stacy, you pulled at my heart strings today, for I too have a child who is ADD. She is 12 years old and has had a difficult time finding her way in middle school. As I was reading your post (tears streaming), I felt like I was reading a description of my daughter. I have felt that exact frustration and impatience throughout the years, but take heart in knowing that I’m not alone. Thank you for reminding me that even though each day may be a challenge, these children are special and truly are the ones that may change the world. You inspire me each day.

  29. Tanya Summers says:

    Stacy, you actually have me crying this morning, not just teary-eyed, full out crying! I have a son that is very different as well but know that there is something in this life that he is to do. I pray that you, I, and all the other parents out there with children like ours can understand that they were given to us for a reason. It is our goal in life to find out that reason so we can help them reach their full potential! Thank you for that reminder today! ~Tanya

  30. Thanks for your post today, I am crying along with some of the other moms, too. Today is our IEP meeting to talk about how to support my daughter (Aspergers) as she enters middle school. I have new book on my shelf called “Perfect Targets” and it is about Asperger’s children being the victims of bullying.
    I know that my daughter is a gift – that she is an amazing and unique person that sees the world from a different perspective and will do wonderful, kind and gentle things in her life.
    I also know that she has a few years of pain and torture coming, and that is a horrible thought. (I do not know anyone that has looked fondly back on those awkward years.)
    My grandmother would always say, God will never give us a challenge we can not bear with Him.
    Peace be with you, your family and with Chase as you mount this challenge together.
    Jen

  31. That quote is good for everyone whether you have a child or a dream.

  32. Thank you.
    I don’t have the words to say more, and if I did, I’m not sure I could share them here . . .
    but thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  33. I’ll just say this…awesome post! :) Hugs!

  34. Okay Stacy – I’m not an emotional person and rarely cry over things like this, unless I’m pregnant – which I’m not, but your post really touched me. We are selling our home and with that comes constant cleaning and organization and with 4 kids – it’s hard and stressful. I feel like all I have done the last week is yell at my kids. It doesn’t feel good, or loving, or understanding. They are who they are and do what they know. Your words touched me and yes, they made me cry. We are human – all of us, even the little ones in our lives whom we love more than anything. Thank you for the perspective and sharing – you have such a gift for words.

  35. Carolyn Hall says:

    Stacy,
    It’s so nice to hear from others who are going through similar situations or have similar feelings. My son has Down Syndrome and amazes and blesses us everyday, however it is not easy and we are presented with daily challenges. Just keep remembering and showing them how much you love them!!!

  36. beautiful, Stacy….
    LOVE that quote from Paula!
    here’s to all of us who are children of God!
    each of us unique! :)
    R

  37. Stacy,
    As an adult who is finally getting treated for my ADHD, I must say, hang in there. I’m told that the reason why I was never diagnosed is because I overly compensated quite well.
    Keep up the good work with him!

  38. Tatia Diskin says:

    Thanks, Stacy for the quote. As I type this, my “hyper”, “out of control”, “impulsive” angel(!) is jumping on the trampoline reading her 4th grade science book. Even with all of her struggles and day to day battles, she is my gift from heaven. I will keep your quote close to mind to share with all of the non-believers that have touched her world! Tatia

  39. Oh Stacy, you’re make’n me cry!!

  40. Stacy,
    Bless you and bless Chase…my big fat tears are rolling for you right now!
    Who is it, that never told us there was this huge feeling of reaching for answers for our kids with every fiber of our beings… while hurting so much for their struggle you think you will burst?
    I have an 11yo who is ADD, and if we would give him the tools and get out of the way, he would probably soar on his own…it is the rules and the “system” he struggles with. My heart is full of empathy for you…just remember, you and Geoff are his parents: No one loves him more, wants better for him, or knows him more fully than the two of you. God gave him to you for a reason. He is blessed to have you both.
    I will be praying for your family. :-)

  41. very, very true and touching. what a great mother you are just for recognizing that.

  42. Oh my golly. That is such a touching post and spoke to me so much. You are an amazing mother bringing up an amazing boy. Sending lots of hugs and good vibes to you all.
    Now I am off to wipe away the tears and hug my own ‘Chase’

  43. StacyTea says:

    {{{{Stacy}}}}
    My 9yo son is very “spirited” and I’ve asked his pedi more than once if he has ADHD and she insists that he doesn’t. He’s academically bright and she says that’s one reason she’s sure he doesn’t have it. Nevertheless, he’s a live wire…A Taz…Marching to the beat of his own drummer and I love him to death, but he drives me absolutely nuts most days. I want him to slow down, be more careful, quiet down, listen before he reacts, etc. I just want to thank you for sharing that wonderful quote. It soooo fits my son. And thank you for reminding me how much I love my “crazy rebel” who just wants to be loved and perhaps a little more understood.
    Warmly,
    Stacy :-)

  44. My nephew was diagnosed with ADHD, and we thought my daughter might be too, but instead she was diagnosed as gifted. They have similar traits and behaviours. Being gifted is compared to having a learning disability in some of the books I have read. She gets bored very easily, but also doesn’t want to be pushed and sure doesn’t want to be singled out for extra work, or to take part in any enrichment programs. She is very emotional and very shy. But that’s who she is and we love every minute of it, despite the hard work.
    Thank you for sharing the quote and video clip.

  45. What a beautiful quote and a beautiful boy. You’re doing a great job at being HIS mom, seeing him individually, and helping him in every way you can. He sounds like a very special boy.

  46. Hi, Stacy,
    Thank you for this lovely entry about Chase. My own 13-year-old has been diagnosed with ADD and he is also gifted (has been in G-T classes since third grade). Now, he is struggling with the “system” to figure out his place in the universe. I know, as a teacher of teenagers, that it is part of being a teen that they look for that place and struggle with the system. But for ADD/ADHD kids, it’s so much harder. And these kids need all the love we can give them because sometimes, they are the unloveable ones in our schools–and sometimes at home. I am learning a LOT more about patience than ever before. Thank you again for the reminder that these children are gifts from God, on loan to us, and they are loveable and joys to all.

  47. I love that quote and video! It gives me hope and helps me understand myself a little bit more. Thank you for the beautiful thoughts you shared about your son!

  48. Someone, I think on Ali Edward’s blog, said that special kids have special parents. I totally agree with this. Chase is lucky to have you and Geoff (and all his siblings) loving him no matter what.

  49. Thank you for this post, you have no idea how much I needed to hear this TODAY. Totally frustrated with my wonderful 16 year old who also has ADHD…..and I needed to be reminded that yes, while ADD is in the picture, he is incredibly bright and funny and creative and so much more. Your post and the video clip brought me to tears – good tears :) Thank you.

  50. Wow! I sure needed to see that today. While my first grader does not have ADHD or any other officially diagnosed challenge, he most definitely marches to the beat of his own drummer…which made for a very trying parent-teacher conference today. You helped to remind me that it is my job to celebrate and support who he is, quirks and all, whether or not he fits the mold that makes raising or teaching him easiest.

  51. I have a daughter who is 15 with adhd and I know how hard it is to be a parent of a child with adhd.I read your part about chase and cried. I know my daughter longed for friends all through elementary school and I kept assuring her that one day she will find a true friend and maybe many friends , to hold on. I knew it was coming. And it did! She now has friends who call her and come over and even go out and do things. I know Chase will have this too one day. I just know it!!!! Hang in there..

  52. Anne-Liesse says:

    Stacy,
    As a special educator, I have been on the receiving end of children and parents who, as their child gets older, and more picked on, and more misunderstood, give up. Don’t! I have seen kids do amazing things. They need you so much. I will print the quote from your post as a reminder that sometimes they do get it on the 9th try, or the 17th try, or the 26th try… We need to remember, too, to keep trying.
    Anne-Liesse

  53. Hey Stacy-
    My son Ben wants to know if Chase would like to come over to our house and play.
    It’s kind of a drive, but maybe this summer???? ;)
    xoxoxoxooxoxoxooxoxoxoox
    Lain

  54. What a beautiful and touching post about your son.
    It’s a shame that children like Chase have to struggle with so much at their age. But how wonderul it is to know he has a wonderful family that loves him and cherishes him the way you all do. :)

  55. As a special education teacher and a mom.. I think it is good to remember that doctors and specialist can be wrong.. no one knows everything, they are profiling and comparing the information that they get and examining it against countless others. They forget that nothing is 100% and that the profile is still a person.
    So here is to you Stacy, for not comparing him and looking at what his label says, but for who is and all that he can be with the love of himself (which you and your family give him) and the love you have for him.
    I am sure he is a spectacular young man who will continue to do spectacular things…

  56. How wonderful to hear the positives, the strengths. As a therapist working with families with children of ADHD it is reassuring to hear. Continue to embrace the positives.

  57. Just a prayer and hub for both of you!

  58. just a prayer and a hug for both of you

  59. Big HUGS to Chase..! he can come over and play at our house anytime and play ball with us….

  60. kat-in-texas says:

    God sees his heart, Stacy. He’s beautiful. My heart and prayers go out to you and those who are loving and bringing up “The Chase”. We have one too also named Chase. (They live up to their name!) God knew what He was doing when He brought those little turkeys into our lives. They will carve a path that the rest of us will follow. Until then we’ll just scratch our heads and let the drama unfold. And laugh a lot!

  61. What a wonderful post to Chase. I had my own Chase, actually 2 of them. It is so wonderful that you can focus on the strengths that he has. I have always believed that God does not give us more than we can handle, hang in there, the kids are worth it.
    Mine have grown up into responsible adults. They still have their problems but they are making it on their own. My son who could not hang on to a job for quite a while but he has now been at the same job for 7 years and has just finished 8 years of being in the Army Reserves. My daughter who is bipolar as well as ADHD, dropped out of school 3 months before she graduated because of her emotional issues, has gotten her GED and completed her CNA license. She is working at a hospital and is talking about going to college to be a nurse.
    All we can do is love them and pray for them and strive to raise them the best that we can.
    Chase has a family that loves him, he will do fine
    My prayers are with you and your family.

  62. Stacy, thanks for this post! You put into words what I cannot. This is my Erik 100%! Thanks!

  63. :)
    I have a soft spot in my heart for children that are labeled.
    always have.
    always will.
    I guess that makes me a trouble maker. ;)

  64. Stacy, thank you for sharing your Chase(he is precious!) and for saying exacting what I havent been able to put the words to about my “Chase”. It seemed as if you were describing my son!

  65. I totally know how your feeling, my daughters both developmentally delayed have always been the ones left out….they don’t get invited out, to a party, to play..or anything…but I will tell you this, keeping their “base” (home) safe and warm will be the biggest thing they ever need. As an adult the one thing that sticks to me is that no matter what happened on the “outside” home is the one place not only did I feel safe , but the one place I knew I was normal. Keep loving him, keep showing him….you will be rewarded in the end.

  66. Nancy Peacock says:

    I cried when I read your post today because it could have been written for my son; a super-bright articulate 15 year old with Tourette’s… who shares many of Chase’s struggles. Thanks for the reminder to put aside my own impatience and allow him, even help him, become all that he could be. Maybe even someone who helps to change our world! Here’s to Chase and to my Spencer!
    Thanks Stacey…
    Nancy Peacock
    Edmonton, Alberta, CANADA

  67. Nancy Peacock says:

    I cried when I read your post today because it could have been written for my son; a super-bright articulate 15 year old with Tourette’s… who shares many of Chase’s struggles. Thanks for the reminder to put aside my own impatience and allow him, even help him, become all that he could be. Maybe even someone who helps to change our world! Here’s to Chase and to my Spencer!
    Thanks Stacey…
    Nancy Peacock
    Edmonton, Alberta, CANADA

  68. Nancy Peacock says:

    I cried when I read your post today because it could have been written for my son; a super-bright articulate 15 year old with Tourette’s… who shares many of Chase’s struggles. Thanks for the reminder to put aside my own impatience and allow him, even help him, become all that he could be. Maybe even someone who helps to change our world! Here’s to Chase and to my Spencer!
    Thanks Stacey…
    Nancy Peacock
    Edmonton, Alberta, CANADA

  69. Nancy Peacock says:

    Hi,
    I’m sorry, I assumed that my post was not working, not realizing they start at the bottom and work up, as opposed to the other way.
    I wish I could remove the 2 extra posts…sorry about that!
    Nancy

  70. Love you and Chase :).

  71. What a wonderful tribute! Hugs to Chase and your sweet family…

  72. Thank you so much for that quote! :)

  73. This brought me to tears, Stacy…your son looks like an absolute doll. As someone who was teased in elementary school I know how it can feel to be “alone” and “unaccepted”. I admire young people these days who, I think, are going through the hardest times that life can bring…growing up.

  74. Monica Tucker says:

    Here’s the to the kids who are different! I have 2 of these kids – Prasie the Lord! Here’s to you Chase and your family!

  75. he has beautiful eyes and in this world love is way more important than any social conformity. too often people see the label, not the person and not the heart. this kids will be the very people who change our world as we know it and for that i am grateful.

  76. Chase looks like a very bright young man and obviously loves his little sister and is a huge help with her. I work with Special Needs high school students and there are days that they try my patience to the very end of my rope but then I remember this quote, ‘Tie and knot and hang on!’ Usually the next day goes better. Patience, kindness, love, space and understanding is usually all that they need to get them through the rough spots. “Tie the know, Stacy, and hang on!”
    Sue

  77. LOL That quote should read ‘tie a knot and hang on’. My fingers must have a mind of their own tonight! LOL
    Sue

  78. Melissa Grogan says:

    Sending you big hugs, & some virtual chocolate. Chase isn’t alone. His gifts that you continue to celebrate in his albums..your sensitive pictures, you show him in SO MANY ways that you treasure him. Hang in there, he’s a lucky kid to have both you and Geoff. I am so sorry that you all have had a tough week.

  79. I can’t believe how timely this post is for us. I met with the teacher for the first time last week on this issue, and was at the Pediatrician this afternoon discussing “meds.” My 7 year old apparently has the ADD without the H component. Makes life easier, yes, but also makes it appear she is just being lazy or disrespectful when not paying attention. Or spoiled and overly sheltered when she covers her ears and squints her eyes shut because she can’t filter all the stimuli. We’re just starting down this road. I hope you’ll share more about your dear son and how you help him shine. Thanks for the inspiration and comfort.

  80. this is a truly wonderful quote. my husband was labeled as retarded since kindergarten and could they have ever been more wrong. he has since been labeled other things, one of which your son is, and i still to this day do not see it.
    what a blessing it is to have him in our world, cheers to your son!

  81. I cried for your beautiful boy when I read this. As a Mom of teen boys I worry every day about sending them out into the world to be labeled by people who don’t know that they are my babies, wonderful young men who love and are loved very much. No they don’t have any disabilities and yet will still be labeled simply becuase they are big strong young teenage boys. Chase will have many difficulties in life but his character and the love of his family will see him through. You can see his gentleness and wonderful personality shining in this photo. God gave him to your family for a reason and that reason is love.

  82. What an amazing son you have, and you are the RIGHT mother for him, you understand him so well, and you are the perfect mother to give him the love he needs :)

  83. This is so beautiful!!! It made me cry!

  84. I am not a mom… but I am a special ed. teacher for 6 amazing kiddos with severe autism. When I read you post I immediately thought about how your words could apply to any one of my students. I learn something new from my kids EVERY SINGLE day!! They’ve all got something to teach the world. They’ve all got something special to offer.
    My job is to teach them how to funtion in the “real world”… but it’s definitely a difficult task considering how harsh that world can be at times!
    It’s really important to me to be a good advocate for my students- to encourage them to be who they are without always having to be “normal”. To be realistic in my expectations of these kids. And, to encourage others to accept my students, differences and all. A lot of times this is easier said than done. But props to you, Stacy, for being persistent! You are an amazing parent, and as many others have said, Chase is lucky to have you :)
    I just wanted you to know that although I’m not a parent, as a teacher I feel many of the same emotions you’ve described. It’s so hard to be patient sometimes when you try to teach something 100 different ways and they’re still not understanding. But then, it also makes it that much more rewarding to watch when something finally does click. The progress may be slower, but it’s more meaningful.
    I have always really admired Steve Jobs. He is the epitome of thinking outside the box. The type of person who pushes people to embrace and not fear differences. The type of person my students, and Chase, will also grow up to be :)

  85. Amy Sonnemann says:

    Stacy,
    In the last 2 months my daughter was diagnosted with Dyslexia. In the schools it is a very taboo subject because they don’t understand. They think just because she is having a reading problem that the standard solutions will work for her too. They don’t! Kids see things differently, they learn differently and it is our job to help them succeed. I have battled with the school for years and I now have the weapons I need for change. Cassidy is a smart, loving caring 10 year old that will change the world. I plan on being there every step of the way. If you are not your own childs advocate no one else will be. You do not have to accept no for an answer. There are other options, they just don’t want to go the extra mile. Susan Barton has opened my eyes to a whole new way for kids to learn. She will focus on both dyslexia and ADHD. Check out her web site it will give you something to think about and maybe a new path to take. When you call her office, she is often the one to answer the phone. http://www.bartonreading.com or search under Susan Barton. She has whole seminars on ADHD children and how they learn best. The best weapon is knowledge and it helped me know I was on the right path. Be strong friend! I have cried so much in the last two months I have cried myself out. Now I’m on a mission to right the world, or at least Cassidy’s little slice of the world. Hang in there and don’t accept the first answer you get as the only answer. Hugs to you and your family. I’m sorry about the loss of your Grandma.

  86. Thank you for sharing your story – I felt as if I was reading my own writing. {{hugs}} to all sweet misunderstood boys and us moms who love them!

  87. As a mother of a 6 year old girl with Cystic Fibrosis, who has just been recently diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder, I can understand your heartache. Mine is a bright, but difficult child who pushes the boundaries constantly, and gives us a lot of anguish. But after viewing your clip, I am sure she will make something of her life and that her stubborn, defiant streak will help her achieve things in life. Now that we have received counsellilng as to how to deal with ODD, we are learning to deal with these traits in a positive way.
    Chase will do well, because he is so loved.

  88. WOW!!!! Although I have not had the time to read every post hereI have read many and will read the rest later. I just have to say I am overwhelmed with the posts of loving hearts sharing the concerns for the “Chase” in their life. My sweet grandson, Tanner, has asperger syndrome. My daughter is trying to keep him in normal classrooms but he is being criticized and beaten up at school. We are devastated for him. We are reading and searching for how to help him. Reading this post has helped me feel not alone. There are so many of us out there that love these sweet kids that just want to be “normal”. Thanks for showing us your heart!!!!!!!
    maureen

  89. Oh Stacy, you have just described my son… who turns 18 tomorrow. And he has turned out to be such an amazing young man! And you nailed it Stacy… I had to finally know when to get out of the way… and let him make his way. As hard as it was at times, I am so grateful that my husband and I gave him the grace to be as he was created to be… to accept him just as he was… and watch him shine!
    And prayer was huge! Letting go and letting God take control!

  90. Thank you SO MUCH
    I so needed to hear this TODAY
    off to hug my dear sweet loving son who has Tourette Syndrome as well as ADD — THANK YOU and may GOD continue to bless YOU and YOURS

  91. Stacy thanks so much for sharing Chases story. As parents our job is to give our children wings and learn to advocate for themselves someday. Working in the rules of society and the education system are challenging on top of that. Be perserverant with the school system. Insist on testing not to apply a label to Chase, but to help give him the tools and support to use. (in Washington State it is an IEP-Individual Education Plan) This plan is updated yearly by a psychologist, teacher, student and parents. This follows them to junior high/highschool…. and on to college. Once a high school junior, ask for it to be changed to a 504 Plan. My daughter had a third grade reading level in ninth grade and tested poorly but this June she will graduate from college. It was a tough battle, but she had the tools for notetakers and extra test time and to advocate for herself. Those wings are hard to give away, but the reward of her successful independent life is priceless.

  92. Keelermom says:

    Stacy…Stacy…you have made me cry! You capture the ‘important’ so well with few words. Hits home for me with my 4th grade boy, whom I adore but very few people ‘get’. He has ADHD, too. You ‘get it’, Stacy. Bless you. Thank you for being so real and sharing your life.

  93. Stacy…
    I was just recently diagnosed with ADD as an adult. When my best friends daughter was diagnosed, she left the appt. and called me to tell me she thought I had it too! For a while I tried to ignore it, but after researching myself online, I confirmed it myself.
    What has been most important for me has been to see it as a strength and a gift rather than a ‘diagnosis’. The ‘ADD’ parts in me are what make me who I am today and have driven me to success. I honestly see it as an asset when channeled right…
    Big Hoorah for Chase!! He will do BIG things!! :) Love your vision Stace…
    jen

  94. Stacy…
    I was just recently diagnosed with ADD as an adult. When my best friends daughter was diagnosed, she left the appt. and called me to tell me she thought I had it too! For a while I tried to ignore it, but after researching myself online, I confirmed it myself.
    What has been most important for me has been to see it as a strength and a gift rather than a ‘diagnosis’. The ‘ADD’ parts in me are what make me who I am today and have driven me to success. I honestly see it as an asset when channeled right…
    Big Hoorah for Chase!! He will do BIG things!! :) Love your vision Stace…
    jen

  95. WOW. Just what I have been feeling about my 10 yr old. We have known that he has ADHD for some time now, though he wasn’t officially diagnosed till 2 years ago. Our house can get stressful at times. There would be times when all you had to do was raise your voice one octave higher than normal and it would send him into tearful hysterics. Sometimes you’d ask him to do something and he’d do it halfway and just forget to finish because he got distracted with something else. I hate to yell. I hate to get to the point sometimes where I just want to get in my bed and cry because it’s so stressful. But then I look at Paul and can’t even imagine how stressful his little life has already become :( He’s usually the one who gets in trouble when there is an “altercation” at school. It’s never the other kids fault, because it MUST be paul’s. He’s the trouble maker in their eyes. The one who always disrupts their class. He had an IEP done and was much better off, but he still was “set apart” from the other kids. So he really never had any friends. Paul is in a new school now. It’s a MUCH smaller classroom. Grades 1-4 and there are only 12 of them total in the classroom! It probably also helps that it’s a christian school, but I wont know for sure. His teacher is so great! Paul behaves in class now, even when he’s not on meds because he gets that extra attention from his teacher. The bigger classes in the public schools are too much for one teacher to handle in addition to one child (or more) who needs one on one attention sometimes… wow. sorry for writting a book. Hang in there! Trials of parenting just make us stronger. If you want to chat more about this, just drop me an email!

  96. OMGosh, this post had me in tears! You could be talking about my 8yo Joshua! He too recently was diagnosed with ADHD and is having a hard time with the fact that he has to take Medicine to be good. It was something we struggled with as we didn’t want to put our kid on drugs but he was having such a hard time we were at our wits end. He is doing sooo well on the meds but still doesn’t like taking them. I want you to give Chase a huge hug from me please!

  97. A bit behind on reading your blog. When I hit this entry, I had to write. I’m on the other end of an ADHD diagnosis in that my son is now 22 and was diagnosed when he was 10. All has turned out well after some rocky years in high school. He is an A student in college studying neuroscience, lots of fun, really loving and caring, and an all round wonderful person. ADHD people really DO see things that the rest of us dont and are more apt to put their dreams into reality. So keep your chin up…an emotional year of ups and downs for you (moving, all the Simple changes, getting Addie, this and losing your Grandma). I’ll be sending good thoughts your way!

  98. Kat (Lovebug Kat - the chatty one) says:

    amazing, simply amazing!
    This quote couldn’t have come at a better time for me. My oldest son is at that awkward age of 10 going on 20, you know the one? He feels so different and alone he says and it breaks my heart. He isn’t a rough and tumble boy, he is quiet and reserved and loves to read and do crafts, so feels isolated from so many of his peers. He doesn’t realize that everyone is different yet. This quote is going on a page for him tonight! Once again I find myself in awe and in your debt Stacy.
    ((HUGS)) to you in the struggles you face with such grace and dignity, and ((HUGS)) to Chase, he’s an awesome little man

  99. Thank you, Stacy, for sharing this about your son. As a teacher, I know how often it is for ADHD students to be misunderstood — and worse, misjudged. Today I shared the Steve Jobs quote with my class. We do daily reflections, and this was the quote of the day. It was amazing how many students declared it to be their favorite quote EVER. I watched those students — the “crazy” ones, the future revolutionaries — find themselves in it, and really start to see themselves differently. I am so grateful that you passed this quote our way — seredipity! Thanks again.

  100. How brave to share your real life! I have always wondered why we as women and moms are afraid to let anyone know our lives are not perfect. We always think we are the only ones with problems but we need each other with love and honesty – we need each other. As a Mom of three boys, all different and with their own growing up struggles, 18,13, &6, I have one with many ADD symptoms and although not on medication and official diagnosis he struggles – biggest heart, bright, hates school, not a lot of close friends. The book by Michael Gurian, “The Minds of Boys” is a must read. I wish all those postings from moms of sons would read this psychologists research. MOMS OUR BOYS ARE NORMAL they just don’t fit in a cookie cutter conveyor belt educational system. EDUCATE YOURSELVES AND GO TO BATTLE FOR THEM! THERE IS NEW BRAIN SCIENCE INFORMATION OUT THERE THAT IS JUST NOW BREAKING INTO THE SCHOOLS IT COULD BE 10 YEARS BEFORE SCHOOLS CAN TURN AROUND AND TEACH OUR BOYS!!!! GOD GIFTED THEM TREMENDOUSLY AND SO MANY CLASSROOMS ARE ‘KILLING’ THEM. GET THE BOOK – (and I am a teacher – going to be certified to train parents and teachers in the new brain science and how boys learn!!) Love your stuff – stacy
    Ginger

  101. I’m so glad I decided to catch up on my blog reading today and read your post about Chase…you have touched and inspired me with your books and speeches but today you have done more for me than I thought possible. You see my son who is 14 is also ADHD. Yesterday was a rough day (too long a story to get into) but basically at the end of the day I lost it with him. Your post gave me warmth and hope, thank you.
    I plan to scrap it if you don’t mind.
    Suzanne

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