this week …

Has been a roller-coaster of emotion for me.

A. I’m a women and a peri-menopausal woman (enough said.)
B. Christmas is in one week and I was too “busy” to finish my Cut the Crazy Out of Christmas class, so I am one more year, attempting to do a crazy-amount of Christmas.
C. There is SO MUCH going on. Good things, bad things and some really hard things.

I am lucky enough to have someone come in and clean my house. This lovely woman has become a dear friend. The circumstances of her life are very different than mine, primarily because I had such wonderful parents and a firm foundation of faith growing up. I was taught how and why to make good choices and I was given unconditional love and the amazing blessing of a supportive family where I learned how to behave. I had parents and siblings to teach me the critical lessons. I learned how to fight and forgive and communicate and come clean — I learned how to learn and how to take responsibility. My housekeeper was not given any of these things and sometimes the disadvantage that she deals with daily is more than I can take. She is a single mother, expecting her fourth child. Over the past year, our family has tried to help her make better choices and get her life to a place where she can make changes that will benefit her children and their future children. Unfortunately, we discovered (skipping very long story) that she has been taking (stealing) Chase’s ADHD medication, Adderall and we had to let her go. I have been an emotional basket case since Tuesday night.

I woke up yesterday with a cold and felt lousy. I offended a friend on the phone (I’ve since apologized and all is well again) and didn’t have enough eggs for Chase to make brownies — are you getting the picture? It’s been a CRAZY week. I would LOVE to go back to bed, but I’m charge of Trey’s Christmas party and Kayce is coming over so we can get some cards and goodies in the mail to our BPS teachers.

I had another post written, but it the spirit of authenticity decided to admit that I am NOT feeling playful or productive this morning. My plan is to go take a hot shower and re-evaluate my list for today.

On the bright side of things, we attended opening night of the little community play that both Clark and Trey are in and it was delightful. We stopped by Addie’s pre-school party before going to the play. She dressed up in her new green *sparkle* dress and was just adorable. Although the sit on Santa’s lap thing is definitely not happening this year.

It’s all good.

p.s. Library of Memories will open for registration this weekend — so exciting!
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Comments

  1. So sorry for the hard stuff, but it is the hard stuff that refines us and shapes us and turns us into the diamonds that God intends us to be. Thank you for your “authenticity” it is appreciated deep down in my soul. May you find time today amidst all the “stuff” to breathe deep and relax, even if just for a few min, sit and enjoy the Chirstmas tree, hug your kids and feel blessed, because there are many out here everyday who are blessed over and over, because of what you do here!

  2. Chirstmas is crazy and stressful enough with all the good things that happen, but adding negative things in can just push the limits. Breathe, realx and try to enjoy the holiday season depsite what has happened.

  3. Thank you for sharing the real stuff. I’m grateful to know that I’m not alone and having those kind of weeks. Merry Christmas to you and your family!

  4. I know things will be better.
    You’re a strong woman with a strong faith.
    ‘Nough said.
    Happy Holidays – enjoy them, and remember: if it’s not done by the time it’s supposed to be done, YOU’RE the only one who’s going to know!!! So relax!!!

  5. Christmas doesn’t seem to preclude all the tough stuff…it makes it that much tougher. Sorry you are going through a tough week. It’s hard to feel Christmasy when things aren’t going the way we imagine them to. Just remember, the kids aren’t goingto remember the one time you ran our of eggs. They will remember you took time to teach them to bake.

  6. oh my Stacey, so sorry to hear of this. it must have been heartbreaking for you to go through this. You had to do what is best for your family! I hope your week gets better.

  7. traci in virginia says:

    I am so sorry to hear that. It’s too bad for everyone. I hate that she will no longer have a relationship with what is obviously a wonderful family. Thank you for sharing…
    The holidays are so hard and we put so much pressure on ourselves to be and do so many things.
    We are getting ready for a deluge of snow here in SW Virginia and I am excited to just sit back and enjoy my home, my children and the season. We need some “snowed in” time to just take a breath.
    Merry Christmas!

  8. It really does sound like a rough, busy week! God is with you in it! He’s in it all! I find it’s hardest to have weeks like that when you are in the midst of “you’re supposed to be cheerful” times like the holidays. Sending you hugs!!

  9. Thank you for sharing the hard stuff! It’s my favorite thing about blogs – to hear about all the less than great stuff in our lives – to share that we’re all human and dealing with “stuff”. It’s easy to talk about the good stuff. But it’s more important to talk about the other. Take a deep breath, relax and remember all the amazing stuff in your life.

  10. Thinking of you & you are right, It’s all good. Hoping your weekend turns around!

  11. Christine H says:

    This is why I love your blog so much. You admit that while your usual is to be positive, productive and happy….sometimes life jumps up and bites you in the butt….it hurts and it stinks. Fix what you can, keep moving through it and never stop praying. God’s got it all.

  12. I’m so sorry Stacy! Don’t forget to take a deep breath.
    We all love you!

  13. Thinking of you, Stacy. I hope that your weekend will find you in a happier place. ((HUGS))

  14. oh, ouch. That must just hurt… haven’t had this happen exactly, but something related when I was teaching–let down big time by a kid I had put it all out on the line for and defended… ugh.

    • Elizabeth,

      I was thinking that teachers must feel like I feel this week — so disappointed and sad. Interesting that you would mention this.
      sj

  15. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

  16. Wow. What a lot to be going on especially during this already busy time. Thanks for sharing with us, both in the spirit of authenticity and to allow us to support you back in the way for all of us so often with your words. (((hugs))) and prayers coming your way, for things to look and feel brighter and more calm in the days ahead.

  17. Stacy,
    I applaud your honesty as we can’t all feel spuky and happy all of the time and don’t expect you to as well. This is a crazy time of year and it seems to multiply ten-fold the week or two before Christmas.
    Although things in our lives seem to be difficult at times, I remind myself that at least I am alive to enjoy it. I have attended 3 funerals in the last 6 weeks so it has hit home that life should be appreciated. Not one of those deaths was expected as they were only 40 (that was due to the war), 43 and 52. I just remember their families in my heart and realize that I am blessed to be able to have the difficulties to deal with as my friends no longer do. It helps me put things in perspective a little better when I feel like I am not doing the things that I “should” be able to get done. “Let go, let God.”
    On a completely different note- I am SO EXCITED about LOM registration!!!

    • Libby — you are so right, we are alive to learn and grow and the gift of life can be taken at any time. Sounds like I’ll see you in LOM!
      sj

  18. Kerri Norrod says:

    Thanks for being so open and honest. The thing to remember is God is in control.

  19. Hang in there! YOu are not alone — I was talking to several of my friends this week and everyone was having the same crazy week — school parties, neighborhood parties, Christmas programs and we also sqeezed in 2 doctor appointments and swim lessons for each child (not held at the same time — of course). I can’t tell you how releived I am that it is 3pm Friday afternoon and that we made it through! I is supposed to snow tonight and the only thing on the agenda for the weekend is baking and decoration cookies and church on Sunday — yeah! Hope you get to your breathing point too — Merry Christmas!

  20. you are amazing. hugs

  21. Stacy-
    Coming from one who has had to travel a rocky path due to circumstances out of my control, I know you have made a positive difference in her life. It is unfortunate that she is not able to see it at this time in her life. Trust me, at the least, you did make a positive difference in the children’s lives.

    Maybe this is not the place to post this (delete at will Stacy). But she will be in my prayers tonight. I pray that one day she be able to use this life lesson to guide her unto a more positive path for herself and her children. You were right to let her go.
    -Lisa

  22. Monika Wright says:

    Okay, don’t think I’m hokey, or just saying this, BUT…everything happens for a reason. You must feel disappointed that someone you were trying to help make things right just didn’t get it. You feel like a bad Mom because there weren’t any eggs, and you’re always the one that has what everyone needs, all the time, every time, and you pride yourself on being the one who can make it happen. (I feel like this, too, and I hate it.) Time is speeding by way too fast and you still have way too much to do and you are just (pause) feeling (pause) so (pause) ughhhhhhhhhh! I have felt that way in the past because I always want everything to be just right for everyone, so I let myself down when it’s not. Everything else will work out, but when it comes to your house cleaner, you have to think that somehow this will all work itself out and she will see the “big picture” at some point. Read all these wonderful, inspiring comments and smile. You will feel better. :)

  23. Chris Cross says:

    It is interesting what one’s own life experiences can add to a situation. I have had more happen to me in the last 15 months than I care to think about. I lost my sister in a car accident; my mother fell, ended up on life support after problems with surgery, and died unexpectedly in the nursing home one week before she was to return home; and my 47-year-old husband had a stroke 6 weeks ago today. It has put my life in perspective. I understand that you have had some upsetting things happen to you, as have I; but I always remember that somewhere there is someone who has it worse than I do. It helps me continue on.

  24. heather diane says:

    the sun will come out … TOMORROW (or the day after that – or the day after that)… But it will come out!!! Hang in there.

  25. Stacy, I am sorry you are going through this, although I appreciate you sharing your story as we can all relate in one way or another. Sending you healing energy and happy thoughts for you to get back on track after some much-needed rest and pampering.

    Also, I wanted to know if you were opening the LOM up to “alumn” again this year as you did last year. It was my first one last year and I know that I am ready to re-engage this year, so I am hoping that I will be able to audit.

    Thank you! And Happy Holidays to you and your family!

    Suzanne

    • Suzanne,

      Yes LOM alumni who originally took the class in 2008 or 2009 get to audit the class again this year!

      You’ll be getting an email soon.
      sj

  26. Sorry that you’re having a bad week, but *SO* appreciate your transparency & authenticity. It’s so easy to think that I’m the only one who feels like she’s going crazy sometimes, that everyone else is fine & has it all together, and that life for them is always rosy…especially for someone like you who is well-known in the scrapbooking world AND always seems cheery & looking on the bright side. Sending virtual {{{hugs}}} your way & hoping that things are much better very soon. I know that, for me, a little sleep can do wonders. Thanks for all that you do & all that you are :)

  27. I’m sorry. That’s definitely a hard week.

    On the lighter side, you could avoid the egg situation in the future and add to your food storage by buying powdered eggs. They’re great for baking, and just the perfect thing when you run out of eggs too soon.

  28. I am so grateful for your willingness to be “real” and vulnerable. Here’s hoping next week is better!

  29. Stacy: Sorry about the menopausal thing, but as they say “this too shall pass.” Thank you for being authentic; it’s nice to know that sometimes even the “playful” don’t feel like playing!!! :)

    I have to tell you that although you’ve hit a speed bump, you helped me avoid several this holiday season. I can’t remember when, but you had a tip on one of your blogs recently about carrying a small pad to jot down anything that pops into your head. You mentioned that if it’s out of your head, you don’t get bogged down. I’ve been doing this, and I can’t thank you enough for helping me leave the stress of trying to remember where I’m going and why, what I need and why, and it’s all in one place.

    Hope you have a great holiday season.

  30. It is so refreshing to know that you don’t have the perfect, can do it all, life. Thank you for being real and sharing that you have the same struggles of being able to keep up with life. You do so much good in your life and are such an inspiration. Thank you, Stacy.

    I’m so very excited to be fortunate enough to take your LOM class this next session!! I’ve done what I can to implement portions that work for me, but I have so many more questions that I’m sure will be answered in class. YAY!

  31. I hope you get to feeling better quickly. I so understand your frustrating day. With all that is going on just because it is December I am also having to have physical therapy for my back, I had to do some errands on the way home, and got home to find the water off in the neighborhood. I’m so glad this is how every day goes.

  32. Stacy, thank you for being so ‘real’. Life is such a jumble of the outrageously funny, heartwarming, and hard and hurtful things. Keep the faith girl! God uses everything that happens in our lives for good, I think sometimes it’s others good because we can empathize with their problems and suffering if we’ve walked thru it. Pull out the pan, make some hot cocoa (with marshmallows or sprinkles) with your kids and be grateful that God gives us a fresh new day every morning. I so thankful for a fresh start every day. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

  33. I am sorry to hear about your cleaning lady. I know how it is to try and help someone who does not have the strength to help themselves. It speaks to what a good person you are that you are so upset by her choices. Thank you for all the wonderful inspiration and classes that you bring to all of us. I hope you feel better as we head into the holidays. May you and your family have a happy and blessed Christmas.

  34. Oh Stacy I am so sorry that happened and you had to deal with it. Thank you for being real on here while still staying positive. I respect you for seeing that you were very lucky growing up and not everyone was so lucky and that effects choices and attitudes and actions later. Have a happy holiday.

  35. Glad you’ve had others say – you did make a difference, so sad that she couldn’t accept it all now, hopefully this shock will help her make better choices. Love the idea that if it isn’t done no one except you will know.

    Thanks for sharing and reminding us that our crazy weeks aren’t alone…

  36. our community has had a rough couple of weeks too. A father shot his two girls and then himself. We are all just walking around stunned. It has helped us all to appreciate those we have with us now. We are all soaking up all the joy we can, even the joy of having to remind our children to do their chores.
    I hope your cleaning lady gets the intervention and help she needs, when she is ready to accept it.
    Peace.

  37. Vanessa B. says:

    Wait a minute…StacyJulian is human?! What?! All kidding aside, your honesty, whether you know it or not, is so helpful to so many. Including me. Sometimes it is all too much and us super women just can’t do it. And in the immortal words of Ali Edwards, “it is ok.” Whenever I’m having a moment I think, “it is ok.” Trying to keep perspective is hard when you want to do it all. You are ok, you’re more than ok. And thanks for reminding all of us that we’re all in this crazy boat together!

    I haven’t read all the other comments but regarding your cleaning lady it is most unfortunate that sometimes you do what you can do and it doesn’t help. And no matter what you do it can’t help because that person isn’t ready for it, and may never be. And there’s absolutely nothing you can do about that. Send prayers her way and know that you have done what you need to do for your family.

    I wish you so much happiness this season and thank you so much for continuing to share yourself with all of us.

  38. Stacy,
    There have been more days in the past month that I have felt like I am just not competent to handle everything on my plate right now. I feel bad about myself and bad for the folks I feel like I am letting down. I’m giving everything I can give…and yet I still feel like it’s not enough.

    I know it was difficult for you to share the struggles you are facing with all of us…and I just want to thank you that you did. I am sending you prayers that everything will settle itself down some over the next few days and that you’ll feel some peace and less pressure to give more than you can give.

    Thank you for everything you do to make life a little sweeter for everyone else. You are such an amazing role model and one of the people I admire most! Thank you for being you..all of you. Hugs and love!

  39. Candace B. says:

    Sounds familiar…but you handled this week like a trooper…and I too have had to say goodbye to someone helping me in the house (who took off with my baby without telling me)….but you tried your best and that’s all you can do. Everything will be better tomorrow.

  40. Praying for you today, Stacey
    Praying you will feel burdens lifted and lightened, your heart “heartened” and lots of those boys in your life will come put their arms around you and remind you by those hugs how amazing you are and how loved and appreciated you are for all you do.
    Your authenticity is totally appreciated and applauded. Thank you.
    Heidi
    P.S. And for all the hard stuff (like having to let your cleaning lady go — for you, for her, for everyone), I’ll keep praying you are given peace and comfort. A really violating experience when you trust someone and have them in your home (and around your family etc etc). Wow.

  41. (((((hugs)))))) I’m praying for you. Christmas is definitely a crazy busy stressful time and additional burdens make it tougher. Here is hoping that you find peace.

  42. Oh Stacy… I am sending good thoughts your way. As someone who reads your blog regularly, I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to discover that EVEN YOU! have days that are less than “playful and productive”… and that you are honest enough to admit it! :) Thank you for sharing what’s really going on. I think that helps us all feel a bit better about our own “less than perfect” circumstances. Thank you for your authenticity and for the light you bring into my life. :)

  43. Bless You!
    This last week was just a doozie here also.
    May next week be better for us all.

  44. Take a big, deep breath and let it all go. Only the really important things matter and you know what those things are. I’m terribly sorry you have such a full plate right now. I hope tomorrow is merry and bright! Hang in there!

  45. Thank you so much for your honesty. I struggle everyday with being the “perfect mom, wife, friend, etc…” and it’s a big ole LIE. I love your blog because you are always so REAL with us. Thanks for sharing and God Bless. Have a wonderful Christmas!!

  46. Hi Stacy: 1. Wow on the stealing of the adderall – my son takes that too – I didn’t know it was a steal-able item; 2. on housekeepers – we have never had much luck until we had a family member doing a wonderful job for several years; recently that came to an end and instead of replacing her, I have taken on the cleaning – with a LOT of help from my family – and you know what – I’m kind of digging it! You might want to try it for a little bit – go and get lots of cleaning supplies and tools at Target & Bed Bath & Beyond & you might find cleaning to be a bit fun – especially if you get to the parts of your house that the housekeeper didn’t touch – I have done this over the fall & have found it very refreshing plus my kids enjoy helping – for the most part and doing it myself has allowed me to see what we should change about the system …. I’m sure that I won’t be enchanted with housekeeping for a long period of time but being between cleaners – even for a year – will be ok with me – I’d rather wait until we find the right person that we know, like and trust before we just fill the gap; 3. my kids don’t like the sitting on Santa’s lap thing most of the time either & I am ok with that & also ok when they are slow to warm up to new adults, I think thats just good sense; :) Katie Scott.

  47. Stacy,
    Just recently came back to your blog – so glad I was directed (Heidi Swapp on Facebook – included link)….
    SOOO appreciate your honesty. Thank you for all you do and all you share and for being human.

  48. Thank you for sharing even the painful experiences. I am so sorry your heart is hurting. I too have learned this year that life is about the choices you make AND that no matter how you try you can’t make choices for others. As a Mom that has been the hardest thing for me to learn. Their failure is not your failure, but you have to do what it takes to protect your family.

    So health, sparkles, sprinkles and love to you this Holiday Season!

  49. Tammy Thomas says:

    Hi, As sorry as I am that you’ve had the week you’ve had, (and I am sorry), your authenticity came at a time when I needed it! As a mom that suffers from clinical depression, I more often than not feel inadequate, un-useful, just plain worthless, seeing into a time when you feel the same way gives me hope and lets me feel like it is OK when I am less than the perfect wife and mother. Thank you for not sugar coating your blog, you are someone I admire greatly, and you are truly an inspiration to me. You give me “do-able” ideas and experiences I can create or give my family, and I really appreciate that. There is so much pressure “out there” in the real world, to be perfect, to be all, to do everything, that spending a few minutes with you everyday helps me see the “real” important things. So thank you!

    Tammy

  50. Sometimes life gives you a kick in the pants in order to make us slow down even though it is Christmas!!!I hope you are feeling better and enjoy a moment of peace and centeredness.Just think of the family story that just has been created even though it isn’t funny right now(but really, who steals a kid’s medication???Someone with some pretty big issues..I know its a highly valuable commodity)….Hope you enjoy the holiday season one moment at a time.

  51. Hi Stacy
    I hope you are feeling better or more in control or just calm. Thank you for sharing your bad days as well as your good. There have been times in my scrapbooking life when I have wondered about the authenticity of published scrapbookers and questioned whether they were deluded in thinking they had a perfect life, or whether they just put the perfect in oublic and kept the banal and grotty to themselves! That approach does not help people who are or have been through less than perfect times themselves. And so I applaud you for your honesty and sharing, and I thank you for showing that the world of the published scrapbooker is as normal as the rest of our lives are! I do hope things pick up quickly, and I know your resilience and underlying positive attitude will get you back to a good place quickly. Best wishes to you and your family for Christmas and 2010. Ali

  52. Stacy,
    Thank you for your vulnerability, for sharing your bad days. You also had the blessing a teachable heart–of LEARNING all those things your parents taught you…isn’t it amazing how sometimes these things are taught but they aren’t learned? How I pray my children will LEARN them! :) What makes the difference??? I wish I knew…

    Hope you find a new housekeeper. Looking for one myself. :)

    Thank you for sharing,

    Ann

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